Everybody Curses, I Swear! by Carrie Keagan

Author:Carrie Keagan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

14

THE SILENT FUCK

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

—Johnny Carson

If you really think about it, and I have, life is essentially a random collection of experiences, advice, and memories. If you’re smart enough to learn from your experiences and humble enough to allow good advice to inform your choices, maybe, just maybe, you won’t end up drowning in memories of sucking dick for meth in a blind alley behind the neighborhood Supercuts. And if by some misfortune that’s exactly what you’re doing right now, I have two things to say to you. First, wow … (golf clap) … fellatio and reading a book at the same time … I’m impressed. You are indeed a Renaissance man or woman and really need to put those multitasking talents to work elsewhere. Secondly, and more importantly, trust me when I tell you it’s never too late to put the dick down and make a change. The beautiful thing about memories is that every single day is an opportunity to make new ones … better ones. We all come from somewhere, good, bad, or ugly, but all that really matters is where we’re going. The rest? Who gives a fuck! The journey’s the thing (stepping off soapbox).

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I want to talk to you about a great piece of advice I picked up along the way to here called “the 7 P’s.” It’s a huge part of who I am and how I go about my professional life, if you can call it that. Those of you who have served in the U.S. Marine Corps or the British Army, you already know what the fuck I’m talking about, and my hat’s off to you. For those of you that haven’t, as Gene Simmons would always say in that rich deep voice of his, “This is my gift to you.” “Proper planning and preparation prevents piss-poor performance.” Now, say that ten times fast!!

It’s an amazing mantra, but just like everything in life, it’s not about the knowledge; it’s about the application. That’s where experience comes and creates balance. The road to balance will always have more than its fair share of funny teachable moments, and for me, none was more poignant than when I came face-to-face with the phantom menace known as the silent fuck. (And before all of you original trilogy fans start a shit-storm, let me just say that it is possible to not dig a film but still think it had a great title.)

“Fuck is the prince of swear words. It’s always there for you. You know? You just put your hand out and there’s a fuck!”

—Paul Bettany

As I’ve mentioned, I’m pretty anal about getting ready for interviews. But is there such a thing as being too prepared? Sometimes you’re so worried about how things will turn out that you forget to be present in the moment at all. I know a lot of you are thinking, That sounds like every single one of my birthday parties until I was twenty-eight years old.

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